Posted in Hallucinate


Sitting on the her desk, Tama rocks her body according to the rhythm of the music. With her headphone on, she seems to lost in her own world. Wearing an unbutton shirt, Tama wraps a blanket around her waist. Tama right now is very different from the one Kei meets everyday. Tama at work is an robot no more no less, uptight and diligent worker. However, looking at Tama now, Kei wonders how this Tama “robot” can be look so free and happy. Tama now looks like a wild cats and this room is her territory, where she is not bounded by anything. Kei is amazed and yet unsettled.  Like a child, Kei hate to lost in a maze, and Tama is one of the most complex puzzle that Kei has to solve.


Tama stops moving her body and leans slightly on the bookshelf. As if sleeping beauty finally wakes up from her curse, Tama opens her eyes slowly and smiles brightly at Kei. Bitting his lips, Kei changes his gaze to the window, but he knows, Tama sees through his act easily. Without any warning, Tama sits on Kei’s lap. The headphone is on the table and the blanket is on the ground. Tama put her arms around Kei’s neck and lets her body falls naturally into Kei’s embrace. Naturally, Kei holds her tight. Then she starts to sing:

With you
Everything seems so easy
With you
My heartbeat has found its rhythm

With you
I’m so close to finding my home
With you

I don’t care if I’m a little bit crazy
Cause with you nothing’s wrong” (1)


Kei can’t help but smiling. The way Tama tries to sing the lyric of the song is funny. The song is out of tune, but he can hear the melody of the song. Tama now like a domestic spoiled cat, and Kei is her owner. Tighten his embrace, Kei is humming the rhythm of the song. With no warning again, Tama suddenly stops, leaves Kei hanging there awkwardly.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” askes Kei

“Nothing,” shakes her head, “I just forgot the lyrics.”

Kei just leaves it there. Even he does not believe it, it is not his personality to question people, especially Tama. He is really spoiled her too much.

“Hey Kei,”


“Who are you?”

There she goes again. Once a while, Tama asks some strange questions that seems to never have clear answers. Therefore, Kei find himself ponders on his conversation with Tama now and then.

“Well, I am Kei Soeki, thirty five, working as a sale man at company K. Is that the answer?”

“So who am I?” Tama is not joking. She looks dead serious, so serious that reminds him of the “robot.”

“Who are you?” This time he asks her instead of answering.

Silence. Tama finally breaks away from Kei and steps toward the window.

“I am nothing,”



These kind of conversation drains Kei’s energy so fast that he feels exhausted. He lays down  on the brown coach and closes his eyes.

“You are you,” says Kei

“I’m nothing”



“Tama Natsume, thirty two, working at sale department at company K. Is that the answer?”

“Is it?”

Tama’s voice sounds sad and broken makes Kei want to hug Tama, but his body does not move.

“Is it matter? To be anything?” asks Tama

There is no answer from Kei.

“Why do people care about identity? Can I be everything?” As if Tama realizes how dumb she sounds, she laughs amusingly. However, the echo of her laugh sounds wrong to Kei.

“You cannot be everything.” Kei says firmly. He stops to observe Tama’s reaction but he cannot make out clearly due to the sunlight. He goes on, “but you are everything to me.”



Source: (1) Run to you by Lasse Lindh

(2) The inspiration is from

[Songs marathon] My old story – IU” by  Mong Thien Vien.

Thank you.




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