It was cold outside, but we were excited the see the tree lighting up. Surrounding this old pine tree, we sang every Christmas songs we could think of. Even though I am a Buddhist, I love Christmas as mush as any Christian. However, this year was the first time I celebrated Christmas with someone besides my family. You showed me the warmth in winter, the happiness through simplicity.
People keeps talking how much different between us from our colored skins to our perspectives. But that’s okay. While I have honey and sort of amber skin, your dark brown skin looks perfectly fine beside me. People cannot understand that even we have different views, we still listen to each other. They cannot understand that I feel safe in your embrace that I can talk to you about things that I cannot tell to anyone else. Your words calm me. My tears streaming from eyes taste bitter, but I was certain it would be worse if I didn’t know you.
So we become roommate.
I thought it would be a perfect combination, but it proves to be tricky. You shows other side of you, a worn out and stubborn girl. My heart aches when you refuse my hug or keeps all of your thoughts to yourself. I am not mad, but sadness swell up inside tortures me. I start to hate your violin sound. Feeling distant, I try to seek the connection but it is nothing but a mess. You shook your head and says, I sound too philosophical. Always questioning about life, love, hate, and people, I don’t let myself rest. I looked at you blankly and turned my gaze back to the food. I thought you could understand me. Obviously, you don’t.
Your smile are not always happy. You are so picky about the food you eat that you decline to eat the food I make. The smile that warm my heart, now become a fake mask that stab straight to my heart. My habits sound ridiculous to you, and your interest sound boring to me. We are two people try to solve the puzzle, but cannot complete because of the missing pieces.
Roommie, I don’t hate you. Even though you are laughing that I said I was glad that you were my roommate almost everyday, it is a truth. I realize so much things just living with you. I realize how much I crave for love and attention. When I am proud of being independent, I never know I always seek for someone to rely on. Even our words didn’t reach to each other, I know one day we can.
I know you are not the one can understand me, but does not mean you cannot stay by my side. I still love the smell of your teriyaki chicken, or the way I have to creep out of the room in order not to wake you up every morning. Yes, I have so many secrets and so are you. We are stranger and maybe we will always be, but at least, I am glad to know you. We learn from our mistakes to grow up. I know I have solve my own problems but just one time..
Just one, I wish you could look for me instead of watching your show
coz you know, even though we share a same, we are so far apart.
Hey rommie, do you know I am here?