It all started with a cold. Cold weather, cold hands, and cold hearts.
She asked me to stop washing dishes but I didn’t stop. She said it was okay to take a rest once a while. She promised to help me finish it tomorrow. Her voice was cold, and I didn’t listen to her. After a while, she gave up and went back to study. Meanwhile, I finished the washing, and turned on the machine. I was looking out the window while I was listening to the dishwasher. Then I took a quick bath to warm my body up.
She was complaining about her headache. However, he didn’t seem careless about her. His cold eyes always frightened me. When he opened his mouth, his sharp and witty words could easily wound you. Before I couldn’t stand anymore, I shut my ear to him and to her. She slept on the sofa. Think that she would be cold, I gave her an extra blanket.
He went to bed. I was still awake. She woke up. Since she slept too much, she couldn’t sleep anymore. She brought her pillow, blanket and her laptop to my room, and I wondered why. I guessed he didn’t let her embrace him and she got mad. He hated her cold body. She brought along her laptop. I stared at her as she told me to move far away since she didn’t want we touch each other. She ignored my look and kept nagging me to move. I moved to the corner. My room grew cold.
She was awake, and I was on the edge of sleeping. I wanted to sleep. She thought about leaving. I grabbed her arm, told her it was okay to stay here. She jerked, and I startled. Her arm was so warm. No wonder why she hated my touch. I released my grab and went back to corner. She stared at me. I stared at her. We stared at each other. She stayed.
I couldn’t sleep. My anxiety suffocated me. What if when I was moving around and my feet touched her skin. My feet were always twice colder than my hands. Would she run out of my room? But when my feet started to warm up, I started to wonder whether she slept here or not. I wondered when she would sleep. Finally, she closed her laptop and put it outside. My heart was thumping. She went back, took her pillow, blanket and decided to sleep with him. She turned of the light and went out.
My heart stopped. I sat up, turned on the light and grabbed a random stuff animal to hold. My body became cold.
That night, I dreamt about our first meet after seven years apart. It was in a cold windy night. She, standing beside him, smiling and waving me. We embraced. “Welcome home,” she said. Hold my hand, we step outside the building and looked forward to coming home. “Your hand is warm,” she said when we was walking to our car in the cold night.
My body wasn’t warm anymore but strangely, my tears weren’t cold. They were boiling.