Today, our English teacher, Jack talked about our essays. He said that he had already read them. He recognized some put some time in it and some didn’t. Anyway, he said he wanted to talk about some of mistake that we had. I was sleepy as the result of staying up late, cramming through the study materials which I should have done them earlier. Don’t misunderstand, I enjoyed hearing him talk a lot. His talk – it’s amusing. It’s not a nonsense stuff. You can always learn something just by listening to him earnestly. Come back to the topic, I was a little bit distract. I didn’t really want to hear what he want to say at that moment.
“Let me tell you the truth. What I am saying just for people who wish to be a better writer. I know there are not many of them in here. I know that most of you are here because of obligation and I don’t care.”
If this overheard by a stranger, with no doubt, my teacher might be judged but as for me, it was a slap on my face. I was totally awake. Even though I know he didn’t aim for me somehow I still felt guilty. The blank page of my homework, it was right in front of my eyes. I opened my eyes wide and looked at him. My concentration came back to me. I ignored my headache and all the excuses I had for not paying attention to his lecture. “I want to be a better writer.” That’s what I told myself.
“All thinking about your reader. What do you want your reader to understand after they read your essay? What do you want them to do?”
I was slapped the second time. This time I realized something every important. I had never considered about my reader. All I want is transfer my thought into words so I won’t be suffocated by them. I had never cared if anyone would interested in my blog or my writing. However, the first thing I do when I enter is check the comment. Is that funny? If I really write and keep it for myself, there would be no need for this blog. Just create a file with password and keep my writing in there. Reading back my writings, they are very personal. It’s easy to understand but I know what I want from my reader. The reason I keep checking comments. I hope that someone would understand me but I scare. I scare that people wouldn’t that why I hide myself in my own world.
So selfish, you could say that. Wanting people to understand yourself but don’t dare to give in. Maybe it’s time for me to change. Maybe I should step out of this box. I guess it would be my plan.