Posted in Reflection

5 things about me.

One more month then I have to take the exam. Tired, I am dead tired. I suppose to study today but my mind can’t focus. I am lazy again. Even though my friend are working so hard,….

Tired. I feel tired. Everything is just a bunch of mess. I just close my face book account. Well, no one cares  any way. So, I just do it.

Lonely. It’s killing me. It must be nice to be with someone. That’s what I think whenever I see my sister and her boyfriend. With them, I am nothing but a stranger, a pain in the neck. Lonely, I search for a link. I follow my string, try to find out who hold the other end of the string. I keep walking and walking but irony, the string is so long that I feel it’s endless that I can’t find that person.

Cooking. I hate it. I hate the smell of the raw pork. I make me want to throw up every time I smell it. I hate the heat from the cooking. I hate to see those terrible food that I cooked. Waste effort. Despite that fact, I was the one who cooks in the house. Is that funny?

Study. I want to study but one way or another I try to avoid it like this very moment, I suppose to finish my practice test, reading book, do homework, learn vocabulary,… and I refuse to do all of them just because I cannot focus, because I’m lazy. However, I become depressing even jealous when I see people study, work hard and nearly wanted to kill myself when someone surpasses me. Is that interesting?

Drawing. I used to be so passionate about drawing. Even though people around me opposed my hobby, I drew like crazy. I learnt by myself from basic to complex techniques. I have no talent in art. I know that, it had been proven from my art’s grade. But at that time, I couldn’t stop drawing, I even seriously thought I would die if I quitted drawing. Still, my skill didn’t improve no matter how many time I spent on it. Now, I merely draw except in the art class and my drawing skill improves. What the hell?

Cats. I’m crazy about them. I worship them. I have a cat in my country but since I came here I haven’t had one because I am not allowed to. So it means I haven’t touched a cat for one year. It feels terrible at the beginning. Imagine you wake up in the morning and realize your cat which always sleeps next to you disappear. Your cat is not missing. You are the one who leave it behind. How do you feel? I was crying to the point my eyes were swelling and red. I cried until I passed out. That was the only way for me to sleep. I missing his fur, his warmth, his eyes, his claws, his breath. I took many pictures of him before I left but it was useless. I miss my cat. Now, I don’t need to cry to sleep anymore but sometimes, it broke me down. Like recently, I crave for my cat. I wish to hug him tightly, play around with him. I wander around and tell people (who obviously don’t care) that I miss my cat but I still tell them. They can’t never understand how much I loved him. They can’t….

 

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Linh hồn trong thế giới ngược

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