Yesterday, I found out an interesting that my sister cried when I was gone to a volunteer trip. I was surprised. I knew she loved me but I didn’t think that she would go that far. And then, I started to think about word “What if”…
What if I didn’t come back from the trip, would I die along with the thought nobody would careless about me? Then in that last moment, would she regret not telling me that she love me?
What if my friend didn’t take my joke seriously, went so far to spend time buying present and sending it for me? Would I rush to local post office as soon as I heard the new? Would I be mad because the pack was missing? Nothing much, a book, a cards and some jewellery. The book which I wanted to read so much but I couldn’t have because it isn’t translated into English yet, I held it close when I slept. I didn’t cry but tear is not the only way to show you are happy.
If I took time to think about my life, there are a lot of things to regret, a lot of “What if”. Like right now, I should study instead of writing this nonsense thing. I should prepare a better dinner. I should say I love my sister and stuffs. Danger appears every corner we turn, every decision we make, it’s here waits for us. Just one mistake, we are done. For instance, Toru (in Norwegian Wood) is haunted by his dead friend, Kizuki. He blamed on himself to not notice something wrong with Kizuki. If Toru could do something,….
Thinking about that, I scare. Now, I know that I am not lonely. People can hurt me but I am loved by people, too. That makes me scare, with my indifferent personality, what if I made a mistake? “Time go pass, you cannot make up thing in the past.”
So, I will say this out loud once:
” I want to be happy.”
Please, let everyone be happy.