For some reason, it becomes so difficult for me to write down my feeling. Maybe because I spend almost time sobbing and depressing. Even though I want to tell how I feel, I can’t seem to find a right word to describe it. And it leads to misunderstanding or I just simply give up. Too much troublesome, too much painful to remember what I just had been through….
I try hard to find someone can understand me. Someone accepts for my true self but I find myself struggling to understand people around me. Caring for them and then what? They cast me aside when they feel better. They even look down on me. Thinking me at something that they can yell and mistreat me as much as they want. I want to be around people and be happy but whenever I get involve to people, I feel pain and my tear cannot stop flowing. Would they ever satisfy? Will they be happy if I’m gone? I think about it a lot and the answer is yes.
Since this is what they want, I will prepare to leave as soon as possible and then they will be happy again. I am tired to see all ugly things in this word. But wait, who I am going to blame on? It is all because of me. Because I come here, live here. Because I exist. It is all my fault.